When big things happen in life, we always have a choice to numb or acknowledge. When we go through a bad breakup, face conflict, lose a job, lose a person or hit rock bottom… we have the opportunity to look carefully at the state of things and live within it or to find the closest comfort and leave it to live around us but not truly within us. I actually stopped blogging and writing publically when my life blew up after a bad break up about 10 years ago. It felt too vulnerable at that time. I deleted my facebook, I opted NOT to go to my high school 10 year reunion and I dug a little hole for myself to hide away in for a while, allowing people in only as they felt safe to me. My dad passed the following year and the sudden nature of his death brought emotions that simply felt way too real to deal with properly. These two experiences (probably them being quite close in time didn’t help) gave way to my relationship with anxiety. She’s a part of me, anxiety, I guess always was. With these new experiences layered on top however, she looked different and it took me a while to process things and grow into the person I am now.
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Emergency passports and mothering amongst the struggle
Grandma got sick about a month before the end of the school year. I am a speech language pathologist in the schools and suddenly, the job I’ve always loved with a passion felt small. I kept feeling this pressure inside of me and the urge to cry. Every bit of me wanted to be with grandma and Matt and I wanted my girls to have their daddy back.
Matt and I were confident in the decision for us to join him and Megan for the summer. Surely this wouldn’t endure past another 6 weeks. We figured that we would all end up flying home together. Plenty of others thought we were crazy.
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