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Lost

Have you ever had a life altering event threaten the very existence of who you know yourself to be…who others know you to be?  

I think about this question often.  Not just in the sense of me wondering about the changed person my mom will become but also in the ways  my brother and I will be forever changed….and those who are closest will be forced to change as well.

I have often felt lost in this dumpster fire…wondering who I am and who I am becoming, if I will like myself after this (because I’ll be honest, I was just starting to dig that chick at 43 years old!), if others would still love me…if there would still be enough good in me to love  The emotions we’ve experienced in the last 6 months have completely buried me.  We are in survival mode and I have no doubt that will wreak havoc on our bodies for years to come because it’s unhealthy to have this much cortisol coursing through your veins, especially for long periods of time.  

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